honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
