i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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