how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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