My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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