I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
