My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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