We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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