Will you blow on my dice?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
