I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
