Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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