how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
