Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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