i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
