your thong is hanging out like whoa
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
