had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
