so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
