I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
