remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
