What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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