new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
