and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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