i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
