you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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