Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
