He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
