i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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