I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
