she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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