I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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