Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
not ubering you a puppy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
