I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Couch. On fire.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
