dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
