Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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