i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
