I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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