I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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