Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
