you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
