just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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