sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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