Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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