i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
