At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
