Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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