there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
