she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
