smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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