first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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