Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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