Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
