I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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