My friends, they love my intelligence
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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