He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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