I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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