We're facebook friends in real life
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
