I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
