I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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