i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
