So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
