Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
