when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
