party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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