Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
