If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
