So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
