Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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