Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
