I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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