Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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