with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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