Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
