I cockslap morals
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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