I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
