When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
