We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
