he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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